I remember a time when everything was going right with my life. Everything was good, I was happy, I was carefree. But the inevitable came, and everything started falling apart. All the things I held on to started crumbling down. And the question I thought I would never ask came right out of my mouth, “Lord, why me? I have been good to You, why me?”
But I was not. I was not good to Him ever. I was just a girl who tried to gain the acceptance of everyone by trying to be good. And I thought God was pleased with that. I thought God wouldn’t want an imperfect person, and so I tried to clean myself up. But that would never please Him, not now or ever.
When everything I have and everyone I know seemingly left me, God stayed. During the times when I felt like I had no reason to go on, He held on to me tightly. Even when I thought I was unacceptable to the prying eyes of the world, God still accepted me. I found out that I had to lose the temporary things, the nothing’s, to realize that I have Everything, the only One I need.
God did not want my “burnt offerings” — good works and pretentious actions. My broken but contrite heart mattered more. Even when I was in a state of “I-wouldn’t-even-want-me”, God wanted me. He embraced my everything; even the tiny, broken pieces. Piece by piece He made me whole again. God took my brokenness aside, and made it beautiful.
I can’t say I have it all together now, but one thing is for sure: Even when I don’t get what I want, even if everything would be taken away from me, and even if there’s nothing left of me, as long as I have God, I wouldn’t want anything more. My heart will find ten thousand reasons for me to sing His praises everyday.
“Whatever may pass and whatever lies before me,
let me be singing when the evening comes.”